Sunday, 30 November 2014

Beautiful Sunday Vibes

Raine Lee woke at 6.15am for a feed, I'd been half awake from about 3am when I had seen Riv cuddling Raine in their sleep and then Raine ended up with her toes up my nose. After a feed, a tantrum about doing a wee on the potty, and doing a wee on the potty...Eric took our beautiful babies to eat their first breakfast and he shut the bedroom door, allowing me a peaceful sleep-in.
I was then woken at 7.30am looking up to see my gorgeous sunflowers and presented with a cup of tea and a passionfruit which I kept aside for later. Eric took the kids to Coles for last min breakfast supplies and Raf, the cat, came up for a snuggle while I enjoyed my tea. I did some yoga uninterrupted. Everyone got home and we prepared a breakfast feast for the family and our friend Siggy. We drank yummy bonsoy coffee, had hash browns (rice bran oil fried potato) on linseed toast with avocado and tomato, and finished off with a smoothie of frozen mango, coconut milk and passionfruit.
Siggy gifted us some pretty flowers (I love getting flowers it just doesn't get old!) and we had lovely chats about birth and babies and running business. 
Our home is so small that it needs to be kept clean and having more than one guest at a time can be very full on, but both Eric and I love having people come over and eating together, so we'll have to do this more often.
Raine is asleep on the bed, the sun is shining beautifully and we have a cruisey plan for the day; cleaning, programming, Open gym and debrief for our challenge, I have a few articles to write and some things to plan out for 2015. I'm hoping that we might be able to have someone help us with the kids this afternoon so we can prepare for the week ahead.
Not many people know but every Saturday after our trial WOD I head over to Kim Annette Dance Studio for a class of lyrical. This year with the new business and my pregnancy I've only done one class but I am hoping next year I might be able to do a few in a row. I've been dancing since I was 2years old and have done calisthenics and gymnastics too. It's dancing that makes me feel alive...the way it feels to PB a lift is the way I feel each time I start dancing. This week I have a dress rehearsal on Tuesday night and a concert on both Friday night and Sunday. 
On the Saturday between, we have our comp between CrossFit Bayswater and Croydon followed by our Christmas party. This year has been amazing...the people we've surrounded ourselves with are so good for the soul. I'm proud that we've survived the year, built another gym from scratch and managed not to become completely consumed by the things that aren't so crash hot. 
I love the sunshine, and while we have a lot of work to do today...Eric is playing play station while I'm blogging, River is playing Lego and Raine is couldn't get much sweeter than this.

Friday, 28 November 2014

Namast'ay the fcuk in bed

Haha I really loved this title. So the last three days have literally been full of shit. 
Trying to find balance in my life is not always easy...I'm now with less help for the kids and the balance between working full time and caring for two toddlers full time means looking after myself has slipped. There are days I am just so effing sick to death of being touched and cleaning up poo and patiently explaining boundaries to my children and patiently explaining exercises and rep schemes to my clients. I'm very tired of not hearing a simple thankyou and I'm extremely tired of not pleasing everyone. 
There's a lot of awesome in there too...the fact my children play well together and make mischief together is lovely, Eric makes me yummy food to fuel my pregnancy and hormonal preferences, I get to train with rad people and HELP people daily (and I do usually get many thanks for that!) to improve their lives, reach their goals and feel better about themselves. I've got a bunch of awesome friends that are amazing...when I get to see them!
Recently, I read an article about a mothers' shitty day...saying that we don't talk about the shitty days enough. I kind of disagree. See on social media (usually Facebook) people complain non-stop about their crappy days...And an informal social experiment I've been playing with has seen about 80% of people tell me how tired or busy they are when asked how they're doing. 
Social media can be poison. It's great for networking and getting a message out there, it's been a great marketing tool and really helpful for articles on health/fitness. However, when I see people boasting about how busy they are or telling the world how shit their day has been...I just wonder why? 
Sometimes I know people feel lonely or unimportant, feel like they're working really hard and don't get any recognition. Really, we all go through those feelings. Perhaps send a text to your friend instead, write a something nice for someone else. Spend your last $15 buying a girlfriend something you really love or spend half your wage on a Christmas gift for your boyfriend. Spend less money on your kids and put your phone away while you play with them.
Create real and meaningful connections. My plan for this post was to whine about how hard the last few days have been on me, but I realised that if I have time to write a blog then I'm getting more peace than a new Mumma feeding around the clock...I realised that even though a thankyou wouldn't go astray, yesterday my man gave me sunflowers which is appreciation at it's finest. I realised that I had to apologise to all of my clients this morning as I was in a really bad mood but because they all had a good giggle with me about it and just accepted me as I am,  I eventually shook my bad mood and am now feeling much better about my day, my kids and myself.
Definitely handstand walking 11m and holding a scorpion handstand helped, the sunshine helps, fresh organic food helps.
Writing helps and practicing gratitude for the little things can eventually change your perception.
Having a shitty day is pretty common, being busy is pretty common, kids being hard work is just what having kids is. So I'm going to get off my phone now and go hang with my rad little family and tomorrow I'm going to wake up in a better mood and be proud that I didn't just complain. 
Pregnancy update: I have no idea again how far along I am. Running is getting hard. Heart Rate shoots through the roof so I am slowing down my intensity and focusing on keeping my strength 90%.
Raine is feeding again normally...I'm eating better now, though my pants are getting too tight and I probably cry everyday about it! 

Sunday, 16 November 2014


I posted on my Instagram page a little story that a man said to Buddah "I want happiness" Buddah said if you remove the I - that's ego, and remove the want - that's desire, then you are left with HAPPINESS.
For me, sometimes I have spells where I am deeply unhappy. It is caused by stress mostly, about money, about the way some people behave, about things I have no control over, about feeling like I have no control in anything. Sometimes this unhappiness spreads and I find myself unhappy in myself, my past, the way I feel, even that I feel too much...and I start telling myself that I'm no good. This is a tiny snippet of what my life used to be like 24-7. I turned it around, and, not by myself (as I'm often reminded, thankyou William) but eventually I learned to stop spiraling down. Most of the time. 

My friends can often see when I'm starting to go into a funk, apparently I put up serious walls. I've always pushed people away when I need them the most, it's not a very good trait/habit. It gets very lonely.
But the upside to all of this...the reason I am blogging now. Is that there is always a choice or a chance to be happy. 

There is an option to show up no matter how shit you feel/look and listen to your friends. Then there is an option to be heard. There is an chance to say to the person that you love, hey I am really struggling and I need you to love me a little more fiercely right now. There is picture messages sent by a beautiful friend that inspire you to get out of bed and spring clean your room while your toddler sleeps, and do some damn yoga (Thanks Sarah!). There is cheap, delicious vegan food only a short drive away and beautiful dresses, even if your threenager seems ungrateful.
There is genius vegan cupcakes. There is tea.
While the hours it takes to get two vivacious children to sleep are rough and sometimes crushing adventures, there is snuggling and debriefing afterwards. There is breastfeeding pain free (finally) after a nursing strike. There is little nudges in my belly. There is a big and exciting day ahead with people that I call my tribe. There is life, or there isn't. And luckily for me, right now I get to choose.

Sunday, 9 November 2014

The end of one thing

Sorry if I seem distracted, if I seem cranky...if I seem uninterested. It's 8pm Sunday and Raine has not had a feed since Saturday around 6am. I'm not sure if this is a nursing strike or if she has just weaned herself but I am sure that I was not ready. 
She has really damaged one of my nipples and due to pain I could not feed her on that side, after a few days I tried again and as she stopped feeding, she saw the blood and the pain in my face and I think it frightened her. So at first she just refused that side but now she won't feed at all, despite cuddling in and saying "I need a feed(y)" or "I need boob". 
A tiny part of me is excited to have my breasts to myself for the next 5months but more than that I feel like I've failed my daughter. River fed for 2years 8months...Raine has only fed for 16months. 
She is also currently screaming the house down. She screams a lot. It's not in pain but it's like mini tantrums that I've never experienced before. It's really taking it's toll on me emotionally...however, when she isn't screaming she's so much fun. She really plays with us all and one of our favorite games is balancing a "hat" on each other's head (can be anything from a piece of Lego to a shoe). This age is beautiful.
Anyway I desperately need chocolate and produce in our area is seriously letting me down at the moment! Wishing that Combi was set up in the burbs!
I'm getting frustrated that my training isn't consistent, I'm not gaining much strength but I feel like I am gaining weight. I trained overhead squats on Monday, cleans and skills on Friday, split jerks and front squats today. Today was also my first walk in almost a week it's just shitting me that there's always something more important to do or someone demanding something. I'm lacking motivation and training isn't as fun as it usually is. I know there's so much going on that I need to be gentle with myself...but I'm used to being busy and getting results I just want to find my balance in each day. Think I need more yoga.

Monday, 3 November 2014

Why it's not ok to comment on my body.

This is slightly written in jest (I hope my (blunt) gorgeous friend and client Jess reads it!) but I feel I truly need to speak out. The ONLY words you should say to a pregnant woman are "you look gorgeous/radiant/beautiful/excited"...
It's unclear whether other mothers have forgotten what their pregnancy was like or are just happy to finally be able to "pay someone back" but ladies STAHP!!!! 
And for all you babes yet to grow a watermelon inside your uterus, I don't mind if you go home and lovingly stroke your own supple un-stretched skin and grab a hold of your perky boobs, just STFU about the size of my stomach and my lack of breasts (for the record they were freaking amazing during/after River and even better straight after Raine, but these bad boys have gone through all sorts of hell to feed and grow my babies) your opinion is not needed.
Honestly I am mostly ok about my changing body. I'm super fit and I was kind of made to carry babies, I quite enjoy having a baby bump and I love the private connection between my body and my baby. I don't get stretch marks and I gain weight very consistently, I'm not plagued with fluid retention and while I have headaches, nausea and feel very very tired, I'm not bed-bound.
There are times though when I feel like crap...there aren't very many pregnant women around me at the moment and I do get anxious about my weight increasing, my hips changing, my milk supply dropping, my face getting fat...
There are times I feel so nauseated and bloated and SORE that I cannot stand being touched. Raine has also split my nipple which is now agony and I cannot feed her from one side. I had to express this morning to prevent engorgement and possibly mastitis and after pumping, the milk was knocked over! I'm so emotional that honestly I believed this to be the end of the world! 
My point is I don't really need anyone else to tell me that my belly is popping out or that I'm really starting to show or that I'm huge...I already know I have a baby bump (which, for the record is growing perfectly). I definitely do not need anyone making jokes about twins or telling me I look ready to pop (thankfully haven't heard either yet!).
In fact you actually do not have to say anything about my body at all...I'm quite happy to chat about the weather or what you've been up to or sharks or climate change. 
And while I am currently surrounded by very fit people with incredible bodies and don't have any friends that want/need to lose a few kgs, IF I DID have a friend struggling with their weight I would certainly not look at their trouble spot and say "yes Jenny, you are looking rather large...are you sure you don't have pre-diabetes?" Because that would just be rude. 
In my experience we are already our own worst critic, our harshest judge, and we all struggle with our ego vs self love. So next time you see a pregnant woman; smile, give her a non pregnancy related compliment and I promise she won't be imagining your face as a punching bag :)