Wednesday, 24 April 2013

My life as a rollercoaster

Just going to put it out there, you know you have some serious moodswings when your partner has to take your toddler out to do food shopping at 3pm in the afternoon & this makes you mad & relieved at the same time...
Getting closer with 8ish weeks to go although I keep getting confused about the days so I really wish people would stop asking me our due date-sometime in June ok?!
I honestly cannot imagine being this damn exhausted & emotional & SORE for another 8weeks!!!! My back is screaming at me each evening & making it super hard to want to train. Not being able to drive is a blessing but getting super annoying with Eric & my work schedules, I am truly looking forward to finishing up at GoodLife in 4weeks... I'm not sure my bank account will enjoy it :s
It's getting to that wonderful stage where EVERYone is commenting on my shape, NOone is enjoying my sarcastic responses and I just want to punch people. Wow perhaps I am a little aggressive today.
My latest bloodtest results revealed low B12 & low iron stores (Fe) so I have upped my dosage of Gundersons red iron & found a good vegan B12 tab that dissolves under the tongue. Although I'd prefer to be on less supps, my body needs them & who knows why? It's still uncertain why some people need supps at different life stages, but I am not so proud as to damage my body when it's indicating an imbalance that I obviously can't control with food alone.
Last week we met our second midwife, my birth team has to be the most perfect match for us, I could not imagine trying a VBAC in a hospital setting without the support of an independent midwife. These women are absolute superstars who I am so extremely confident in their ability to support me. We also got our homeopathic birthing kit which is exciting for both Eric & I as he now has a specific birth "job"!
We have even more focus on optimal foetal positioning as bubs head is down while movable and we want it to engage in a few weeks time. So no more hand/headstands daily (a shame as I find this helpful in decreasing my anxiety), much shorter down dog pose & when I sit, my knees need to be below my hips with my pelvis tilted forwards. I have been reading some great stories on the Birth Without Fear webpage & will now be aiming to walk for 4km twice a day plus cat/cow sequence before every meal, seeing my amazing chiro weekly should help too.
My poor best friend has been copping messages like this:
Monday-having the WORST day, everything is awful :(
Tuesday- oh my goodness things are amazing, received an important package in the mail*, was given some awesome birthing crystals hope you're studying hard!
Wednesday- seriously f@$k this s!#t
...and so on. Eric has been copping the whole "I love you so much" one minute & "why can't you understand me?!" the next. I'm aware that sometimes I'm irrationally emotional but with an intense toddler, two highly demanding businesses, a new puppy & a house to run I'd like to think that throwing a tantrum or two is acceptable behavior...River agrees! I'm also aware that I may be overly sensitive but people being ungrateful has got to be top of my absolute pet hates currently.
So tonight I'm signing out after a pretty shit day, coaching tonight was awesome then we had a delicious dinner inspired by my girlfriend May (vegan shepherds pie, recipe below) & now Eric is reading me some wicked birth stories (very cute).

Cheers & Giggles xx
*hint hint everyone make me happy by sending me things in the post!!

Vegan Shepherds Pie
•two sweet potatoes
•one can lentils
•one carrot
•one celery stalk
•garlic & other spices
•sunflower seeds
•one cup peas
•one cup water

Steam, then mash sweet potato.
Pan fry the lentils with garlic for abit, add carrot, celery, peas & seeds. When everything heated through add cup of water & spices, bring to boil (in pan).
Pour lentil mix into pan, cover with mash, bake on 180 for 10-15min. We added gluten free corn crispy crumbs & chia seeds on top Mmm Mmm :)

Monday, 8 April 2013

The 10week Countdown

We made it through 30weeks gestation, what a hell of a ride. There is so much preparation to do now for our hbac & our financial situation!
In terms of my exercise it's been quite sporadic but I'm trying to at least walk everyday, finding the time to train between River & running two businesses & appointments & cleaning like a possessed woman has been tough. I've also just started needing more sleep...mornings are impossible without a good meal & coffee!
My beauty routine has changed too I'm needing to feel pampered & scrubbed clean so I've gone & bought really creamy body wash for after dry brushing, have switched from coconut oil to jojoba oil for my expanding areas & plain vanilla creme for my limbs.
Because of the size of my belly I get uncomfortable if I eat too much although I feel like I'm always hungry and my diet has been including a tad more chocolate. I've been craving Milo but the choc powder I bought is too sweet & not the same at all! So I also invested in a juicer & I LOVE smoothie everyday, my happy :) On the weekend I ran my first nutrition seminar & it was amazing. I was able to give knowledge without telling anyone what to do, and all my food tasted delicious!

I've been trolling (think this is the right way to say it?!) the Internet for some different ways in which I can spiritually prepare for the birth of baby Be. There isn't too much out there although reading successful VBAC stories has been empowering & encouraging-I can do this! So I thought I would share how I've been preparing. Eric and I 'smudged' the house a few weeks ago, we smoked sage in an abalone shell whilst driving out negative energy & asking the universe to bless our home. I've been visualizing the birth, some different scenarios, but most importantly how it will feel to birth this baby. The other week I had some reflexology done and then I have my second Bowen therapy appointment tomorrow. I've been trying to see my amazing chiropractor at least every second week. Surrounding myself with people that believe in me 100% and just trusting my birth team so much. I've also tried to distance myself from negativity & drama. I'm so lucky to have a beautiful ex-hubby that does everything for our son and we have such a great friendship despite everything we've been through. I'm so lucky to have a partner who has taken on so much in the last six months and still puts me, Riv & Be first. I'm so lucky to have people tell me they love me. And I'm lucky to have friends & even acquaintances who say they draw strength & inspiration from me. It takes so much work to change your mindset, so much effort to be kind to yourself when you've been self depreciating your whole life. It takes work to FORGIVE people for the hurt they have caused you and to forgive YOURSELF for all the things you have done wrong too. I do not want these things to come up during labor, I don't want to feel alone or unworthy, I don't want to feel the pressure of anyone else's expectations, I don't want to feel like I have to prove myself to anyone. What I want is to birth this baby the way I know my body is designed to, to allow myself to let go, to free myself from the pressure to be perfect all the time. This baby is a gift.

Yesterday, while Riv was trying to brush his hair with the comb he stole off the basin, I looked at him frustrated yet smiling and thought 'nothing in a billion years could have prepared me for having a toddler'. It is the most intense, difficult, magical time where one second I want to sell him on the black market and the next I just need to smother him with kisses. We're pretty lucky with River, he has always communicated clearly and while he's like the energizer bunny he's not violent or dominant or aggressive. It's interesting watching him learn about sharing, I don't believe in forcing children to share so I generally don't say anything unless he takes something off someone else. We explain that the object of his desire belongs to someone else/will be there when that someone leaves and that if we are patient we can have a play soon. This is not always effective (at all) but I think consistency is the key. It's also interesting that River hasnt developed a particular attachment to any object, no toy or blanket or Teddy. I have absolutely no clue why this is or what it means, it's just an observation I made this week.
I've also been very protective of him and don't want to be away from him lately, perhaps because I know this special time we have just us is going to change? And he's been an absolute boob machine the last two weeks, I think perhaps my milk supply is increasing? Again it's a lovely yet slightly annoying situation!

Thought I'd leave you with a little image from my photoshoot. My photographer is also a client & now dear friend who really inspires me with her passion for her job. I've never had a photoshoot that was just so much fun & such little pressure <3