Sunday, 9 November 2014

The end of one thing

Sorry if I seem distracted, if I seem cranky...if I seem uninterested. It's 8pm Sunday and Raine has not had a feed since Saturday around 6am. I'm not sure if this is a nursing strike or if she has just weaned herself but I am sure that I was not ready. 
She has really damaged one of my nipples and due to pain I could not feed her on that side, after a few days I tried again and as she stopped feeding, she saw the blood and the pain in my face and I think it frightened her. So at first she just refused that side but now she won't feed at all, despite cuddling in and saying "I need a feed(y)" or "I need boob". 
A tiny part of me is excited to have my breasts to myself for the next 5months but more than that I feel like I've failed my daughter. River fed for 2years 8months...Raine has only fed for 16months. 
She is also currently screaming the house down. She screams a lot. It's not in pain but it's like mini tantrums that I've never experienced before. It's really taking it's toll on me emotionally...however, when she isn't screaming she's so much fun. She really plays with us all and one of our favorite games is balancing a "hat" on each other's head (can be anything from a piece of Lego to a shoe). This age is beautiful.
Anyway I desperately need chocolate and produce in our area is seriously letting me down at the moment! Wishing that Combi was set up in the burbs!
I'm getting frustrated that my training isn't consistent, I'm not gaining much strength but I feel like I am gaining weight. I trained overhead squats on Monday, cleans and skills on Friday, split jerks and front squats today. Today was also my first walk in almost a week it's just shitting me that there's always something more important to do or someone demanding something. I'm lacking motivation and training isn't as fun as it usually is. I know there's so much going on that I need to be gentle with myself...but I'm used to being busy and getting results I just want to find my balance in each day. Think I need more yoga.

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