Thursday, 15 September 2011

Who I am

I have just discovered who I am...A mother. There is not a second that goes by now without the thought of my little man, if he's happy, healthy, clean...I like him to be clean.
It's interesting...I had this idea in my head about what kind of mother I would be - thought I had it all figured out...and then my instincts took over...I'm a baby wearing, demand feeding, obsessively compulsive, co sleeping hippy mumma! Go back to work after 18weeks?! And miss out on him?! Not for me thanks...uni assignment due 4pm Wednesday? Its 10am thursday and incomplete still...breastfeed discreetly and only every 4hrs?! There's not a person in Croydon who hasn't seen my nips...drinks at the weekends?! Ha I'd rather be in bed at 8.30pm.
In other words, I am not who I thought I would be.
This little being controls my world and I dont mind abit. Sure he sometimes takes me for all I'm worth...he wont sleep or wont stop crying or cant seem to get off the boob...there are times I just dissolve into tears, I have nothing left to give, I'm exhausted, uncomfortaale, stressed, late, whatever. Then he smiles or falls asleep in my arms and suddenly I much so sometimes that sleep is impossible...hence the beginning of this blog...tada!
This is the most challenging yet rewarding thing I have ever done.