Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Tuesday 28th Oct chillen like a villain

12.5weeks. Almost at Trimester Two. In posting these I feel almost sad to share with the whole world but I would rather tell people in my own way.
We would have loved to do a cute announcement but we're time pressed and under pressure as it is.
The nausea is limited now to a few hours a day, and if I have one day of crushing it, the next day I am exhausted. Right now I am craving crepes and fruit smoothies, fresh vegetables and warming vegan moussaka that Monk Bodhi Darma made last Friday! 
Every day is an emotional roller coaster, I just wrote 350 words and deleted them. One day I'm sure I'll share my past, the shame, the pain, the scars...but I'm not going to do that today, not on this positive blog. Not in the face of exciting news...but I want you to know it's normal to feel pain from your past, especially when pregnant. Eric and I had totally different childhoods, and have totally different relationships with our parents now. There is always going to be a huge sadness around building our family as Karen is not here to guide Eric in parenthood, to revel in her grandbabies. Many of you will understand if you have lost a parent.
So we make the most of each day, try to achieve as much as we can for our family, be as kind as we can, change as many lives as we can. There are days that we don't cope, there are days I don't know how to get through. But mostly life is beautiful and even in sadness, even in regret there is raw, beautiful human-ness. This week I am, as always, practicing forgiveness and non-attachment. I am also extremely grateful for my hard working man delivering me warm crepes in bed and juggling the kids while I blog.
Catch up on my pregnancy by reading the posts below, and I will try to update weekly from here on in. 
With excitement and love,
Sares x

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