Sunday, 21 June 2015

Winter Solstice

Reef is seven weeks old! Seven whole weeks have sped by me and I will never again have a baby so small. He has had a rocky start with the tongue tie and the laser to release both ties, the week of unsettle and uncertainty and then the happy baby that has come through. He smiles every day now and it lights up my heart, he is also starting to grow too long for 0000 clothing. He wakes a few times in the night and is usually up from 4.30am, he sleeps well though and loves being swaddled, held and the natural rubber dummy can soothe him (which we didn't use for the other two).
Raine turns two in two weeks and is SO loud and independent, you cannot tell her anything she doesn't want to hear! She is spirited and full of energy, a nightmare to get to sleep and when she wakes is extremely upset if she can't be held or fed immediately. In the mornings this is super challenging as I will be settling Reef and she will barge in and demand to be fed with tears and tantrums a plenty. I remember that River did this (not as loudly) at the same age and when we had Raine, so I know it will pass soon. Raine also loves her dolls and drawing and her little handbag...she is such a dancer and very athletic despite being such a small ball of untamed energy. 
River is displaying very typical four year old behaviour. He is argumentative often, quite unreasonable in his "needs" and as a child that rarely tantrumed, can definitely and defiantly stamp his feet!
It is sometimes shocking and truly exhausting to parent a four year old. Possibly why they start kinder at this age? Haha. We are trying to parent with cuddles and kindness, though I know when I am having a bad day that I can yell when things get out of hand, this is something to work on daily because it makes us all just feel awful and is not how I want to parent at all.
Eric and I are in a new phase of our relationship, wondering what it would be like if we had dated properly or had any time to ourselves instead of having kids and running a business together. We keep saying that it will never be this hard again, and looking back to the startup of CrossFit Croydon when we were broke and miserable, clinging to a dream and hurt from our first venture not working out, we have definitely come a long way!
We may have more work to do now, but we always have food on the table. 
It is really hard to be everything we need to be and so we are learning to seperate our roles and define the time to be business owners, athletes and parents, the time will come when we can focus more on being partners too. 
I have been training a bit, seeing the Chiro, and generally feeling ok physically though yesterday I had my first Olympic lifting session and somehow managed to punch the bar and hurt my thumb! Snatched 33kg and power cleaned 45kg.
There is so much fear mongering around training post partum, but it is all a balance, my pelvic floor is activating well and with my core musculature, I feel strong and stable.
Mentally I'm feeling ok...quite anxious to be honest, a little baby blues and a lot like there's too much to do. Things that make me the most anxious are feeling torn between needing to do things and not wanting to miss out on every second with the kids. I'm learning to ask for help and accept help more...sometimes. 
Anyway The Mumma Movement will hopefully be live next week, a blog not quite as personal ;) and more collaborative. Hopefully today gets better with the sunshine and I can start the week on a high, feeling accomplished and ready for whatever life throws my way. I saluted the sun today, my own way of celebrating the winter solstice, a time of reflection, breath and grounding. We are naturally drawn indoors this time of the year and melbourne weather certainly encourages this, though as a sun lover I am usually a little more impatient and somber. 
Our household was unwell all last week and I feel thankful for a chance to welcome health.

 Love xx

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