Truth about a "mum tum"

This pregnancy is taking its toll. Physically I'm feeling much better, baby is in the perfect anterior position, minimal abdominal seperation, Chiro really helped with pelvic pain. I'm experiencing lots of pre labour/Braxton hicks which I did through each pregnancy. It's sad to stop CrossFit but I'm walking, doing functional training and of course keeping up a daily yoga practice. About 2.30am last night I got up to stretch, my torso is so tight and really needs some loving.

So I was hoping that our baby would be here by today and due to the fact he/she is not, I booked in quite a bit of work this week to keep me occupied. 

I'm excited as most of my work is baby related, helping prepare others for their pregnancy, birth or fourth trimester.

I've felt a little let down since coming back from Bali with my class attendance, so I'm looking forward to a break and a big marketing push when I come back.

The biggest thing annoying me is that I see so many advertisements for mum and bub fitness groups that shame women's bodies...for example: 

"LOSE YOUR MUMMY TUMMY"

I'm sorry?? Who the HECK are you to say ANYTHING about my mum tum? Which, by the way is usually more a genetic predisposition to stretch marks and a factor of rapid weight gain and loss rather than something that should be mocked. A "mum tum" is also something that usually can't be fixed quickly IF at all...I will explain further down. And I'm not talking about Diastasis Recti/abdominal seperation.

These classes are also usually run by MEN or women who have NO kids!

The amount of women that come into CrossFit Mummas expecting to do sit ups and hold plank for an hour and smash a high intensity session with their poor kyphotic spine allowing fatigued shoulders to hang forward is overwhelming.

I am not about a quick fix, I am a highly experienced and qualified trainer (dare I say scientist!) who has used my own body to trial a fit and healthy pregnancy and recovered from each very well with small, sustainable and achievable results. I don't neglect my children to train, though the 30-60mins a day that can be required is often a real breather and empowering time for a new mum if she has a great support network and can have her child minded.

I am not a master chef, and while Eric makes some mean dishes we DONT eat the same thing every day or do huge  meal prep and sometimes we struggle to buy groceries and often have to borrow money to afford the organic food we choose to feed our family. I'm sure if we worked regular hours we might have to be more organised but our family is proof that you can eat a healthy vegan whole food diet on a budget and without spending hours in a kitchen at a time (or using 75 million plastic containers to store food in...plastic is baaaaad news people!)

Finally, I will never shame anyone for what they look like by using cheap emotive marketing. If you are unhappy with your body, you need to find out why. Because our bodies are a reflection of how we feel about and treat them. They carry our scars, our strength, our uniqueness, and our health. If we start to love them it will show. All bodies have the potential to be beautiful if we love them.

So in my time off I will be re-vamping my training and nutrition programs purely so I don't have to keep seeing males, clueless, overweight or unhealthy "trainers" bash women in their ads. And those that choose to train with me can know exactly what to expect...a balanced and sustainable approach to a loved, nourished, and well cared for body.

I wasn't going to continue personal training but I will for women having babies or recovering from them. 

So...back to the business of creating a cheese grater center after babies. Yes I believe it's possible. Not to gloat but I had more definition in my abdominals after having Riv and starting CrossFit than I did before. I've seen many women achieve a leaner physique after babies and I've seen it done both healthy and otherwise. Luckily I don't really get stretch marks on my tummy, the "ghastly" lines that plagued my teenage thighs took a hike when I started weight training which is LUCK but I also feel like I did my time ;)

But most women WILL get them from little white lines to huge purple scars, and it does not have much to do with anything. I do believe that the faster you gain and lose weight, the more pronounced they are. I do believe that dry brushing, coconut and jajoba oils, silica and exercise can keep them at bay. Even then, having babies close together or more than one can be a tipping point for some! Ok, so now we know that it's usually not our FAULT if we get a "mum tum" we read/hear that it is something TO BE RID OF. If I am over 30 and had kids at least a year ago I'm starting to feel shit about the way I look and determined to get a 6 pack...BUT it may not be possible at all. The elastin, collagen and other materials that form our skin don't always have the potential to recover, ESPECIALLY if you haven't looked after yourself during pregnancy or immediately after. So you may have the potential to lose weight and create a toned core but you may not be able to lose the excess skin on your belly and you may not be able to reduce the appearance of your stretch marks.

I hope this doesn't sound depressing, it just needs to be said! And you need to love your body REGARDLESS...who knows; that could even be the missing link between a hot bod and healthy mindset...LOVE.

Ok now I'm sounding a little sappy (damn hormones!). 

My solution is empowering women to be healthy and active when they are growing a child so that they can be healthy and active in the post partum period and for the rest of their life. It's not rocket science...it's not even exercise science (see what I did there?!)...it's just making a commitment to loving your body and changing the focus to what it can DO rather that what it looks like. If you carried and birthed a baby then you are a vessel of life and while it may have taken me to write this blog before I can start to accept the scar I do have...the scar that has always told me I failed Rivers birth (an emergency cesarean...major abdominal surgery...the most traumatic experience my body has had)...I want anyone reading this to know that they are gorgeous. Because I am not a "bitch" because I've had active pregnancies and good recoveries. And someone else shouldn't be ashamed that they had a different experience.

Whether you've had kids, whether you've lost weight, whether you've battled mental disorders or whether you've been the picture of health forever...we are all gorgeous and flawed and unique. Please don't let an advertisement make you feel like you need to change. And if you want to start loving yourself more, train hard and eat to nourish your body...then find a trainer that will help you, preferably one with experience.

With so much love xxx

Exercise in the last few weeks

Last week I became quite overwhelmed with pain in my pelvis. I am not one to complain and I generally have a high tolerance for pain. This though, has caused me to cry out several times and stop doing the things I normally would. It would have been great to keep training the way I was but I honestly can't. 

Haha.

So I reduced my training to 50-75 squats to parallel, clams in a supported side bridge & KB rows. I've also been doing yoga each day, teaching or participating or both. However, I am finding that when I stand for too long or sit for too long that the pain when moving is crippling.

After a rough week I made an appointment with a pelvic floor physical therapist who specializes in pregnancy. Unfortunately the stars didn't align and I had to cancel the $110 appointment. But the pain didn't subside. I slipped twice this week, once getting into the shower and once in trikonasana (triangle pose), both small movements that would normally be fine but with all of that beautiful relaxin coursing through my body, my pelvis didn't cope well.

So I booked in to see my trusted chiropractor who specialized in pre and postnatal health. After being adjusted my belly feels far better, the pain in my pelvis is gone (for now) and the pelvic girdle feels more stable. My Diastasis Recti seems to be quite bad (when it was fine just weeks ago) and the rectus (ab) attachments to my pelvis were inflamed and painful. Hip flexors are extremely tight because my outside hips (TFL) are not stabalising well and my glutes are probably not activating much if at all. So while I had a few moments of feeling rather blue, I've decided upon a game plan...and the exercises I will be doing including:

- diaphragm breathing

- modified clams

- wall sit (modified)

- parallel squats with band

- tva modified activation

I will also be focusing on the relaxation phase of pelvic floor contracting, preparing the birth canal and hopefully taking some pressure off my adductors. Optimal foetal positioning may me more challenging due to the abdominal separation so I am looking forward to a discussion with my midwives tomorrow and doing some baby mapping to see if Bubs is posterior or in a good position.

Today I'm starting taking vitamin c as I'm a little sick, more iron in preparation of the birth, EPO (evening primrose oil) to prepare the mucus membranes and this is in addition to raspberry leaf tea and B12.

Please send all of your good vibes to my belly that the bub comes very soon so this Mumma can have some rest and recovery. I have loved this pregnancy  but I am looking forward to skinny jeans, sleeping on my belly, enjoying a glass of wine and commencing my post partum fitness routine.

The hormonal roller coaster

It's 9pm, we've been up for 14hours and I think I've cried 75,000,52 times. Firstly, there was no coffee, then Raine wouldn't stop feeding and there was no heat pack for my sore freezing nipples, and we had to go to work with two extremely cranky kids. Weightlifting class totally crushed it but only 7 people turned up for the WOD which is a tenth of our membership (?) so I went to get groceries. Whilst I was in the health food store Raine decided to poo and I couldn't do anything until we got home. Then River came home with the most ginormous graze on his face that I've ever seen. It devastated me (seriously we were apart less than an hour!). And then Eric's gorgeous best mate layed the foundations for our deck! Following the roller coaster so far?!

My sister came over with soup whilst Raine was asleep and Riv was getting bored watching me sort the new babies' clothes, at least someone shared my enthusiasm for how well I've kept clothes from 4years ago (ashamedly, I love hand washing) and how teeny tiny the little people clothes are.

Then my mum popped in with some Easter drawing for the kids to do. 

Raine did another poo on the floor. My mum squeals like she's never seen a baby poo before haha...

The nappies got sorted, the list of things to pay/purchase is sorted, the kids Easter gifts are ready to be hidden for tomorrow's Easter hunt, 50 of my allocated squats have been done, the house is clean (despite another poo from Raine...can you tell EC is a frustrating process?!!), my emergency hospital bag is almost completely packed, kids watched Spider-Man movie while E and I managed Raine, dinner and sneaking each other chocolate, both darlings are now asleep and there's plenty more to do before tomorrow's "day off".

My pelvis feels like it's going to explode/fall out/break at any given moment and I've been quite grumpy that I haven't been able to train in a few weeks...I feel HUGE and it's hard not to tell myself how much of an ugly whale I am. 

My ex husband has moved in with his girlfriend and that in itself has caused a tidal wave of emotions in our house. It definitely hasn't happened the way I thought it would all peachy keen, a little tribe of parents that are friends. This is disappointing and hard to deal with at the moment so I am trying very very hard not to dwell on the negative but as a person that likes to talk things through I have found it most difficult. 

Tomorrow after a workout (hopefully) we will be seeing Nick for lunch and then E's family for dinner. 

Monday I am looking forward to a new chance to get stuck into our business before having this baby. I couldn't sleep last night with anxiety about everything we want to achieve this year...another great side effect of late pregnancy. So at least we have the rest of the year mapped out; comps, promotions, events and targets to hit. My side project is being planned to death and I'm looking forward to getting stuck in next week. 

It's also an emotional anniversary today, we have two birthdays this month where our special people aren't here. This is half motivating and half crippling.

Anyway, the lunar eclipse will be seen in a few hours and the clocks go back an hour as daylight savings ends. This is certainly not my favorite time of the year, especially after a weak summer (thanks Melbourne).

Apologies for the emotional and erratic blog post...with many thanks for reading.

 

Bali with babies

So we departed from Melbourne, as the weather began to change. We left in the afternoon and boarded the plane for Denpasar at 6.55pm. There were a few hitches in that it didnt look like we would be seated together at first, and then I assumed Riv would watch a movie then fall asleep and Raine would pass out in the ergo on Eric. We did sit together and while Eric walked Raine to sleep, I read to River and ALL BY HIMSELF he shifted, put the blanket on and fell asleep. It was amazing, after almost four years the kid can sleep! Raine was unfortunately woken by a screaming toddler and spent most of the flight cycling through each and every emotion possible...but thankfully was very quiet so did not disturb anyone else. Loz & Jake met us at the airport* and we stayed for a night in Denpasar. It was a rough 24hrs with the flight and the time difference and the over-tired toddlers...I found myself incredibly frustrated and snappy and unhappy. We ate a bunch of fried noodles and plain toast for breakfast then headed to Ubud to settle in. We didnt really leave our hotel too much as we had a private pool, free shuttle into town, little kitchenette and company in my sister and husband. We ate at 

• Alchemy
• Veggie Tables
• The Earth Cafe
• Swasti Eco Resort-Beloved Eath Cafe
• Soma
• another raw place on the same street as Soma

That was the only expensive part of our trip! We didnt shop or anything so we could spend maximum time relaxing. I managed two beautiful classes at Yoga Barn and a visit to the Monkey Forrest. Next time I would like to go to Nusa Lombongan, Seminyak for at least a day trip and to do a little more exploring.

Eric rode to Canggu to complete 15.5, the last of the Open workouts, with S2S CrossFit but I felt like the heat would have killed me if I attempted to travel that far and do the workout. 

So...my top tips for travelling with toddlers:

Do not travel outnumbered, make sure there are two hands for each child!

Catch planes at a convenient time for the child, if you dont think you can entertain your kids for 6hours then travel at night, if you dont think your kids will sleep then travel during the day.

Expect a day or two of ridiculous behaviour as kids adjust to a new time, a new culture and a new climate.

Pack food where ever you go! We had vegan healthy meals to eat in the airport each time and found that the kids slept well without a huge overdose on sugar...thats also why we stayed in Ubud as we knew we had access to vegan and organic food.

We had pencils and filled a huge notepad with drawing each day, we read chapters of The Faraway Tree, and despite having TOO much fun most days with Uncle Jake, River learnt to swim underwater and we just had to go with it.

Anyway... pregnancy is progressing, no one got sick whilst we were away, we are adjusting slowly to home life and excited for the month ahead.

Happy Easter x

The end of summer

Yesterday I did so much good for myself!

We ran an epic 2hr CrossFit class for 15.2, it was seriously a very cool morning with the kids being awesome and our friends and members just being super supportive of everyone. Our box is really growing in all of the best ways imaginable! It's really hard when people leave still, especially those that could give it a red hot go! But you know, training is not for everybody all of the time, I just hope that a lifestyle of health is followed because of people's experience with us.

We hit our target of having 70 members in our birthday month and that is just so cool...there were so many months I said to Eric that I just couldn't see it happening...where growth was slow or classes small. My vision is to have every class booked out and we have so much going on behind the scenes to grow our little business and keep tweaking it until the desired outcomes are reached. 

The most wonderful thing overall is just being surrounded by like minded people. Those that live and breathe a healthy life, those that work hard, those that have HUGE dreams of making the world a better place. 

For our family to be so included in our friends lives is such a blessing. Because having kids changes so much. And especially having more than one. 

On Sunday we got to hang out with the ODIN performance training team which Eric has been a part of for a few months, again it was super cool to spend time with other people all striving to better themselves physically and mentally. Both Josh and Paris are super switched on dudes, it's exciting to be part of their journey because I know these men will achieve big things both in their seperate ventures and with the training team. As always I am really humbled by the CrossFit community, it's truly the only sport where you can be technically competing against someone and at the same time cheering for them with every fibre of your being! And I really have to say that CrossFit is the only sport I've ever been a part of that females tend to be super supportive of one another rather than judgemental. It's very cool.

On Sunday night I was feeling super wiped as we'd been at the gym since 8.30am and spent most of our day there so I was almost dreading Monday...and it turned out to be the best morning ever haha! We went out for brunch afterwards and we'll skip over the hangries and the screaming kids (very patient friends!!)...to Eric taking the kids to Healsville Sanctuary so that I could have some down time and clean the house uninterrupted. I ate a whole serving of organic corn chips to myself, drank a kombucha uninterrupted, danced around like a maniac, made magic multi purpose spray and cleaned the house from top to bottom. I read and relaxed for quite a bit, stretched out my sore muscles, did some admin work and felt super stress free. The house feels amazing. Safe to say we've hit the nesting phase...

I popped a hair treatment in, when the fam got home and we enjoyed a very carb based dinner before reading and bedtime.

Unfortunately Raine did not sleep well and this morning I woke up feeling restless and exhausted, so E has taken the kids to the gym and I haven't moved from my bed except to go to the toilet, seriously this bub is sitting right on my bladder!! I was given delicious fresh watermelon for breakfast and a coffee, and am reading (savoring) the latest Collective mag whilst contemplating how to change the world and increase the funds in my pocket.

I'm working on a very cool project and have actually found amazing people to help me get it done, this is nerve wracking AND exciting...so as always watch this space!!!!

With love, abundance and belief in the good of the world and having a miniature break every now and again - Sares 

Birthing Goddess

If there is any time I feel ok being selfish it's in labour. This is the only time ever that I truly feel entitled to the perfect care givers, to request complete attention, to have the right environment.

Like any other woman, I'm highly emotional during pregnancy. Forgetting things is especially hard for me as I pride myself on my memory and organizational skills. But I also kind of just carry on, I work right up until my babies come and I'm lucky that I can work or study from home when needed. Because I love my job and have created a space that is family friendly, returning to work isn't too hard either.

I'd have to say this is my healthiest pregnancy yet though also the busiest. The foods I've eaten are really nourishing, and I don't mind treating myself as needed. I've kept training CrossFit, at least 3x each week and as a result I keep beating my personal bests. My yoga practice has been far more consistent and daily, which has helped me push through my fears and doubt about my ability to carry on...to continue breastfeeding Raine, to continue mothering in a peaceful way, to continue working, to be present.

I have struggled with gaining weight and the shape changes in my body. But dry brushing and beautiful oils have cleansed and moisturized my skin. I am once again lucky to have gained weight steadily and still haven't got any stretch marks (counting my blessings where I can). It's hard not to fit into clothes properly and hard to find flattering day wear, lululemon has me covered for work and workout wear. I've been collecting beautiful clothing from Spell to wear during my labour and to relax in prior to Bubs arrival. Now all I require is new mala beads...which I have found and will save for after Bali. Meditating with mala beads is very helpful when you are a busy person!

Bali is coming up in four weeks and I am really looking forward to a blissful 9days as a family of four, this will be Eric and my first real holiday and the first time Raine has been overseas. We are staying in a lovely villa in Ubud and plan on tanning, yoga, working out and having a slow down time. I'm also really looking forward to spending time with my sis and brother in-law as they will be traveling for quite some time and they are very relaxing to be around (when one is also relaxed...haha, sometimes they are too chilled out!).

Yesterday I had an appointment with an OB, basically they confirm that the pregnancy is low risk and provide a referral to see my midwives. Our little baby appears to be breech (feet down) at the moment, meaning I will be paying particular attention to optimal fetal positioning over the coming weeks and spending time upside down to encourage the baby to pop his head in my pelvis and not his feet. 

Training will help in keeping bub at a manageable size and Eric is always my go to when I lose confidence in my ability to birth another baby. I've been really excited about the actual labour up until now when my nerves kick in! 

I have a few gorgeous clients and friends that are currently expecting their first/second babies and it is a pleasure to help prepare their bodies and mindset for healthy births and the fourth trimester. It's  definitely my passion to nurture women at this time, to inspire them to enjoy their experience in becoming a mother, to encourage a gentler approach to mothering on both baby and our environment. I'm sure that soon we will have a tribe of earth babies and crunchy Mummas ;) it is an honour to receive updates about tiny humans growing, to know when labour commences and be able to support when things don't go as planned. I love training prenatal women and providing a safe space for them to talk about their hopes and challenges.

At the same time I love coaching the boys and only squatting 30kgs less than them ;) it's been empowering to keep up and I think my return to CrossFit will be even smoother this time as we have such a supportive and encouraging community.

My mantra for the week:

"If you want to become whole, let yourself be partial.

If you want to become straight, let yourself be crooked.

If you want to become full, let yourself become empty.

If you want to be given everything, give everything up."

- Tao te Ching

An overdue blog on letting go

A few things have happened in my life recently that have made me realize how attached I am to certain outcomes, certain people and the past. I never realised that I was a hoarder until the past few weeks...after the random people invading our property and privacy a few weeks ago, I decided to clean out our garage...

I had FIVE giant containers filled with at least 50 shoe boxes of "memories". I had kept every birthday card ever given to me, every letter ever written, every special toy or gift or momento, along with complete random crap that I don't know why I ever kept in the first place. I have about 18 diaries starting from when I was 8 or 9. My current diary has been in use since my pregnancy with River...I don't get too much time to write to myself anymore.

Going through my life bought up a lot of emotions. I read words that made me sob my heart out. Reading about the little girl that missed her daddy, the girl that told herself in every entry over 3years that she was fat, stupid and had had no friends. Reading about a girl that couldn't figure out her place in the world, her role to play and didn't think she was good enough for anything. I read about the fun outings with my friend who is no longer here, the first love I ever truly had, the best friends I could have ever made. I read the pathetic words of a heartbroken young adult who should have never let a certain young man in her life. Read about being homeless, jobless and directionless. My life has been colorful and I am very grateful to have the words that tell my story from my perspective at each age. There are whole diaries I would never want my kids to read...especially the ones about boys! 

The funniest letters were from Tara and Hollie. It's easy to see why we became friends. The loveliest letters are from Sarah who is one of my oldest friends.

I had to throw out the love letters that I think I kept to validate that SOMEONE wanted me at some stage. I found this the hardest but most cleansing thing to do. Especially throwing out the letters from an ex husband. There was so much pain in letting go of those words. I don't know why. I am just accepting it. 

Now I keep the words written by my fiancé, because while there aren't many, I don't need a reminder of what was. I am living the love each day. I keep the words written by my friends, because they are funny and inspiring and remind me of happy times. I keep the pictures drawn by my own children. 

I won't let myself be defined by my past. There is a lot of hurt there, as I suppose there is for a lot of people. And while I may not have always been the happiest or most independent, while I may not have always been the best person I could have been, it is very clear that I always wanted to be, that I always tried.

The words in this blog won't mean very much to anyone really. Just like I suppose my opinions or thoughts on most things. If I can give my children any advice after looking over my life, it is just this: just be. Be who you are and be ok with it. It doesn't really matter how many friends you make, just that you are a good friend to those you have. It doesn't matter what you look like as long as you treat your body well, be kind to it and nourish it. It doesn't matter what happens to you, but it matters how you react (I promise I will do my best to protect you, give you the tools to value yourself and help you deal with your pain). It won't matter how many things you have...things don't last unless you hoard them around like baggage. What does matter? love matters, YOU matter.