Christmas Grinch

Seasons Greetings from the Christmas Grinch...me ;) 

Surprisingly I am more in a festive mood than previous years...I've wrapped all of the gifts beautifully

We have a mini tree. Our friends spoilt us rotten and really helped make us feel special. 

Today Eric trained at 6am, Raine woke for a feed as he was leaving, fell back asleep until 7ish. Poor Raine has a huge cold sore on her upper lip so we are trying to combat with lysine and tea tree.

We made our way to Nanna & Gaga's house for Christmas Eve breakfast and while everyone is a little full on, I'm super proud of how polite and gracious the kids are. In case you are new to this blog, my family avoids plastic, we have no plastic toys. We also avoid over-consumption and consumerism. So Christmas time we chose thoughtful and much needed gifts for fam to give the kids. 

When we got home the kids played with their new toys 

Making us lattes and cupcakes...mmmm and then Eric took Riv out while Raine had a nap. I took the opportunity to clean out the kids room and prepare space for the clothes they needed and ready the things for our new baby. I love putting away good quality clothing and toys for a baby. 

Tonight my mum has us over for Christmas dinner and we're spending this afternoon cleaning up the house and relaxing.

In terms of exercise, last week I managed five of the seven days at CrossFit Croydon, even getting the best time of one day (scaled for pregnancy). I'm having the week off training this week (just my own yoga practice and walking the dogs) and so far I feel great about the rest! Today we ate fresh organic fruit for breakfast, I had two weak lattes, Eric's amazing hash brown brunch and a mango smoothie for late lunch. I'm about to have a handful of almonds and we will head over to mums at 5.30pm for a vegan organic FEAST.

Tomorrow morning will be cool watching the kiddos open up their gifts (from me, NOT Santa thanks) and then hopefully having a breakfast feast with Nick & Amber.

For lunch we are going to healsville sanctuary with the Blyth side and then will see Papa Tony in the arvo/evening. I'm not particularly excited about having to see more than two people tomorrow and I think Boxing Day is going to be very hard, with River going to his Dad's family event. So I am tuning into my breath, focusing on my achievements this year and manifesting the things I desire for the year ahead.

There are many moments in the day I want to give up...the kids are SO LOUD and demanding. Breastfeeding is hard and painful. Communicating can be hard with a 1 & 3yo...I am so tired I find myself snapping a bit, when I have to repeat myself 25,000 times. There are times I don't think we will ever pay off the things we need to, there is much stress over making sure there is enough cash in our account for food. And I often feel as though I'm just not good enough...as an athlete, a coach, a business woman, a partner, a mum...a friend! 

This time of year actually seems to bring out the worst in some people...the stress and pressure of buying gifts out of obligation, of seeing people you don't have much in common with, of competing for your grand child's affection. It's bullshit. This is the time to show people that you love, that you love them (and no it doesn't have a monetary value), time to slow down and reflect/plan ahead, time to be present with people and ENJOY their company. But I don't feel like this is any different to the rest of the year...or it shouldn't be. Though I'm glad to have a few days off training and off work :)

Peace out festive fellows xx

Empire building from the kitchen table while Raine drinks the paintbrush water...

Today my children have driven me up the wall...as hilarious as they may be, I am exhausted and some days wish Eric or I had a "normal" job. With both kids interrupting phone calls, River falling off the kitchen chair that he fell asleep in, toilet untraining Raine and a too long To Do list...it's easy to get bogged down thinking I would like a cone of silence or a name change from "mummy". Fingers crossed some yoga and nourishing food will sort the day out...

So I didn't set aside time to train and had no meal plan. This is what today looked like:

7.30am 50 Squats mango & almond milk smoothie topped with half a passionfruit 

9.30am coffee

10.30am massage

11.30am piece delicious toast with fake cream cheese & tomato, a few almonds

12pm shoulder & scap stabalising, ankle work with theraband

1.15pm short walk with Raine in Ergo on back - to get her to sleep (success!!!!)

Cup of Pukka tea

2pm (ish) four buckwheat crackers with fake cream cheese, tomato and spinach

Cup of Pukka tea

6.30pm rice with stirfry of tofu, edame, broccoli, onion, carrot, zucchini, eggplant

7.50pm walk with Raine in ergo on front and half a GIANT Anzac cookie (yes it got in her hair)

8.30pm 20mins of yoga and static stretching

Cup of zen tea

Kids had the same as me minus the tea & coffee. They also had a vanilla cookie mid morning and Riv had oats for earlier breakfast and afternoon tea of PB crackers, cherries and cashews instead of the cream cheese crackers. Raine breast fed three times during the day but missed out on arvo tea due to her nap.

All of my meals today were vegan (stating the obvious), organic and very very tasty. The fake cream cheese is probably not the best to eat, it's the first time I've bought it and I wouldn't recommend eating it daily, but it was nice for a change and reminded me of meals from long ago!

The besty ended up coming over tonight and helping me cook tea. We live less than 1min from each other but haven't really hung out in a while, so it was nice to kind of catch up over a meal :) both the kids adore Will so there was lots of interruptions to the conversation.

Baby is kicking lots this week, it's starting to feel more real. I managed to pack away some gender neutral baby clothes and seperate boy and girl specific baby clothes in the cupboard. It was nice to get rid of a whole bag of clothes never worn by a bub too...I'm pretty fussy with how I dress the kids! 

Today made me realise just how much I COULD get done if I didn't have work...my house would be spotless and I'm sure the kids would have better "routine". But I love the fact that Eric and I are both working hard to provide for our family. And I'm glad I'm not on park duty everyday (one aspect of parenting I don't love is going to the park...). It would be hard to be a stay at home mum with River as he needs lots of stimulation...we painted and drew pictures and read books and built Lego and told silly stories to each other...but he also got a little crazy early and late in the day from not leaving the house. And for the record our tv is not hooked up to anything so I'm extremely proud we've avoided tv for the past 3.5years :)

Tomorrow I have work 6am-1pm and I plan on napping in the afternoon, finishing Christmas cards and cleaning up the kids room. I also plan on some article writing but I may leave that for Sunday. See? I am learning to balance things a tad more!

Lots of love & FAR better vibes ✌️

Almost half way

19 weeks down the "bumpy" road. Strange that I haven't yet given this bub a nickname...but Eric felt the little thing kick four times last night :) We have a scan in a weeks time just to make sure things are going well, I'm still experiencing nighttime nausea and have discovered I'm not immune to pelvic pain. Dancing this last week destroyed my poor pelvis but luckily my hips are still even and with a bit of glute stretching and yoga I'm feeling ok.

Tomorrow morning I get to sleep in and oh my am I going to soak that up...the kids have not been sleeping well lately, we've been super busy and I'm sure the stress rubs off on them. However, generally both kids have been awesome and River especially is very sweet with my tummy and the baby. Raine is so cheeky and hilarious though Elimination Communication has been disastrous in the last few weeks. I've literally just had shit everywhere...everyone else's shit to deal with!

Sometimes it's hard, I caught myself the other night wishing that someone else could just come and put the kids to sleep for us so Eric and I could finish our paperwork when not delerious with exhaustion. But I know it's worth it. Eric is putting the kids to bed now because I cannot peel myself off the couch after just weeks of not stopping. 

Our battle of the burbs inter house CrossFit comp between ourselves and Bayswater was a big success. The day ran very smooth and professionally. We had amazing vegan catering & coffee, our athletes were really great at encouraging their team mates and every competitor from Bayswater. The vibe was pumping! It's not easy to be the owners, operators, programmers and head coaches of 60 athletes...but I am pretty damn glad that we are. We know our athletes, we are good athletes ourselves (well, Eric is!), we're phenomenal coaches (if I do say so myself) and we're getting better at being business people...today really showed me that. We had one member recovering from ankle surgery and one with hamstring tendonitis in our 6am WOD, we had a new member in the 9am, and we had coachy join in with the 5.30pm crew after a minor back injury. To have these people come in and be able to smash out a workout despite individual limitations...this is what makes my heart sing! 

Dance concert on Friday night was pretty awful, I made a few mistakes and was generally feeling unwell...it really put me off. I nearly didn't go to be honest...and I really truly did not want to go on Sunday. But I did go and I did so much better in the Sunday show (the one that's filmed!) so I've finished the year...my fifth year at KADS, on a positive note and am looking forward to Raine starting next year! 

I was going to train today but I really am very tired after teaching yoga and think an early night is on the cards. Also got some wonderful kudos from a new yoga member that literally made my week :)

So tomorrow is a big day...a sleep in, crepe breakfast, training, Rivs swimming (get to wear new lulu bathers!), Santa photos and hanging out with the kids. Eric is working a late night so wish me luck with the kids!!!

Haha, I hope you're all feeling updated and happy. I'm just happy 2015 planning is nearly complete and that I'm using my KikiK 2015 diary.

Dream big and work hard xxx

Beautiful Sunday Vibes

Raine Lee woke at 6.15am for a feed, I'd been half awake from about 3am when I had seen Riv cuddling Raine in their sleep and then Raine ended up with her toes up my nose. After a feed, a tantrum about doing a wee on the potty, and doing a wee on the potty...Eric took our beautiful babies to eat their first breakfast and he shut the bedroom door, allowing me a peaceful sleep-in.

I was then woken at 7.30am looking up to see my gorgeous sunflowers and presented with a cup of tea and a passionfruit which I kept aside for later. Eric took the kids to Coles for last min breakfast supplies and Raf, the cat, came up for a snuggle while I enjoyed my tea. I did some yoga uninterrupted. Everyone got home and we prepared a breakfast feast for the family and our friend Siggy. We drank yummy bonsoy coffee, had hash browns (rice bran oil fried potato) on linseed toast with avocado and tomato, and finished off with a smoothie of frozen mango, coconut milk and passionfruit.

Siggy gifted us some pretty flowers (I love getting flowers it just doesn't get old!) and we had lovely chats about birth and babies and running business. 

Our home is so small that it needs to be kept clean and having more than one guest at a time can be very full on, but both Eric and I love having people come over and eating together, so we'll have to do this more often.

Raine is asleep on the bed, the sun is shining beautifully and we have a cruisey plan for the day; cleaning, programming, Open gym and debrief for our challenge, I have a few articles to write and some things to plan out for 2015. I'm hoping that we might be able to have someone help us with the kids this afternoon so we can prepare for the week ahead.

Not many people know but every Saturday after our trial WOD I head over to Kim Annette Dance Studio for a class of lyrical. This year with the new business and my pregnancy I've only done one class but I am hoping next year I might be able to do a few in a row. I've been dancing since I was 2years old and have done calisthenics and gymnastics too. It's dancing that makes me feel alive...the way it feels to PB a lift is the way I feel each time I start dancing. This week I have a dress rehearsal on Tuesday night and a concert on both Friday night and Sunday. 

On the Saturday between, we have our comp between CrossFit Bayswater and Croydon followed by our Christmas party. This year has been amazing...the people we've surrounded ourselves with are so good for the soul. I'm proud that we've survived the year, built another gym from scratch and managed not to become completely consumed by the things that aren't so crash hot. 

I love the sunshine, and while we have a lot of work to do today...Eric is playing play station while I'm blogging, River is playing Lego and Raine is snoozing...life couldn't get much sweeter than this.

Namast'ay the fcuk in bed

Haha I really loved this title. So the last three days have literally been full of shit. 

Trying to find balance in my life is not always easy...I'm now with less help for the kids and the balance between working full time and caring for two toddlers full time means looking after myself has slipped. There are days I am just so effing sick to death of being touched and cleaning up poo and patiently explaining boundaries to my children and patiently explaining exercises and rep schemes to my clients. I'm very tired of not hearing a simple thankyou and I'm extremely tired of not pleasing everyone. 

There's a lot of awesome in there too...the fact my children play well together and make mischief together is lovely, Eric makes me yummy food to fuel my pregnancy and hormonal preferences, I get to train with rad people and HELP people daily (and I do usually get many thanks for that!) to improve their lives, reach their goals and feel better about themselves. I've got a bunch of awesome friends that are amazing...when I get to see them!

Recently, I read an article about a mothers' shitty day...saying that we don't talk about the shitty days enough. I kind of disagree. See on social media (usually Facebook) people complain non-stop about their crappy days...And an informal social experiment I've been playing with has seen about 80% of people tell me how tired or busy they are when asked how they're doing. 

Social media can be poison. It's great for networking and getting a message out there, it's been a great marketing tool and really helpful for articles on health/fitness. However, when I see people boasting about how busy they are or telling the world how shit their day has been...I just wonder why? 

Sometimes I know people feel lonely or unimportant, feel like they're working really hard and don't get any recognition. Really, we all go through those feelings. Perhaps send a text to your friend instead, write a letter...do something nice for someone else. Spend your last $15 buying a girlfriend something you really love or spend half your wage on a Christmas gift for your boyfriend. Spend less money on your kids and put your phone away while you play with them.

Create real and meaningful connections. My plan for this post was to whine about how hard the last few days have been on me, but I realised that if I have time to write a blog then I'm getting more peace than a new Mumma feeding around the clock...I realised that even though a thankyou wouldn't go astray, yesterday my man gave me sunflowers which is appreciation at it's finest. I realised that I had to apologise to all of my clients this morning as I was in a really bad mood but because they all had a good giggle with me about it and just accepted me as I am,  I eventually shook my bad mood and am now feeling much better about my day, my kids and myself.

Definitely handstand walking 11m and holding a scorpion handstand helped, the sunshine helps, fresh organic food helps.

Writing helps and practicing gratitude for the little things can eventually change your perception.

Having a shitty day is pretty common, being busy is pretty common, kids being hard work is just what having kids is. So I'm going to get off my phone now and go hang with my rad little family and tomorrow I'm going to wake up in a better mood and be proud that I didn't just complain. 

Pregnancy update: I have no idea again how far along I am. Running is getting hard. Heart Rate shoots through the roof so I am slowing down my intensity and focusing on keeping my strength 90%.

Raine is feeding again normally...I'm eating better now, though my pants are getting too tight and I probably cry everyday about it! 

Happiness

I posted on my Instagram page a little story that a man said to Buddah "I want happiness" Buddah said if you remove the I - that's ego, and remove the want - that's desire, then you are left with HAPPINESS.

For me, sometimes I have spells where I am deeply unhappy. It is caused by stress mostly, about money, about the way some people behave, about things I have no control over, about feeling like I have no control in anything. Sometimes this unhappiness spreads and I find myself unhappy in myself, my past, the way I feel, even that I feel too much...and I start telling myself that I'm no good. This is a tiny snippet of what my life used to be like 24-7. I turned it around, and, not by myself (as I'm often reminded, thankyou William) but eventually I learned to stop spiraling down. Most of the time. 

My friends can often see when I'm starting to go into a funk, apparently I put up serious walls. I've always pushed people away when I need them the most, it's not a very good trait/habit. It gets very lonely.

But the upside to all of this...the reason I am blogging now. Is that there is always a choice or a chance to be happy. 

There is an option to show up no matter how shit you feel/look and listen to your friends. Then there is an option to be heard. There is an chance to say to the person that you love, hey I am really struggling and I need you to love me a little more fiercely right now. There is picture messages sent by a beautiful friend that inspire you to get out of bed and spring clean your room while your toddler sleeps, and do some damn yoga (Thanks Sarah!). There is cheap, delicious vegan food only a short drive away and beautiful dresses, even if your threenager seems ungrateful.

There is genius vegan cupcakes. There is tea.

While the hours it takes to get two vivacious children to sleep are rough and sometimes crushing adventures, there is snuggling and debriefing afterwards. There is breastfeeding pain free (finally) after a nursing strike. There is little nudges in my belly. There is a big and exciting day ahead with people that I call my tribe. There is life, or there isn't. And luckily for me, right now I get to choose.

X

The end of one thing

Sorry if I seem distracted, if I seem cranky...if I seem uninterested. It's 8pm Sunday and Raine has not had a feed since Saturday around 6am. I'm not sure if this is a nursing strike or if she has just weaned herself but I am sure that I was not ready. 

She has really damaged one of my nipples and due to pain I could not feed her on that side, after a few days I tried again and as she stopped feeding, she saw the blood and the pain in my face and I think it frightened her. So at first she just refused that side but now she won't feed at all, despite cuddling in and saying "I need a feed(y)" or "I need boob". 

A tiny part of me is excited to have my breasts to myself for the next 5months but more than that I feel like I've failed my daughter. River fed for 2years 8months...Raine has only fed for 16months. 

She is also currently screaming the house down. She screams a lot. It's not in pain but it's like mini tantrums that I've never experienced before. It's really taking it's toll on me emotionally...however, when she isn't screaming she's so much fun. She really plays with us all and one of our favorite games is balancing a "hat" on each other's head (can be anything from a piece of Lego to a shoe). This age is beautiful.

Anyway I desperately need chocolate and mangos...organic produce in our area is seriously letting me down at the moment! Wishing that Combi was set up in the burbs!

I'm getting frustrated that my training isn't consistent, I'm not gaining much strength but I feel like I am gaining weight. I trained overhead squats on Monday, cleans and skills on Friday, split jerks and front squats today. Today was also my first walk in almost a week it's just shitting me that there's always something more important to do or someone demanding something. I'm lacking motivation and training isn't as fun as it usually is. I know there's so much going on that I need to be gentle with myself...but I'm used to being busy and getting results I just want to find my balance in each day. Think I need more yoga.